I’ve been involved in Effective Altruism since 2019, when I came to college, but most of my involvement has been virtual (for example, facilitating for EA virtual programs). There’s a degree to which I feel not EA enough to get a say here, but I’ve donated effectively and I’ve volunteered my time, and in most people’s book that makes me an EA. So I’m an EA, and I give myself permission to voice what I think and feel about the current situation.
***
Firstly, as many have said, I’m angry and sad and just… not really sure. Almost certainly people at FTX acted grossly immoral, and real people have been put at risk. I don’t know enough about crypto or finance or the future to know how this turns out for those who had their savings invested through FTX, but it doesn’t look good. This is a scary, stressful, shitty time for those people, and I wish I could somehow help them, and I wish this had never happened. It’s one of those situations where words escape you and you don’t know what to say. Like just… fuck. What the fuck.
There are people who left their jobs and changed life plans because they were counting on grants FTX was going to provide. Now there’s huge amounts of uncertainty, and the question of what should be done with the funds that were already received, and what to do about funds already spent. People who had no hand in this catastrophe, who just wanted to do good and applied for a grant, are now in an unstable and uncertain position. Fuck. What the fuck.
Thousands of people are stressed and uncertain and might have their lives ruined as a result of this. There’s nothing good here and the actions of a few people led to this. Fuck.
I know we all know about this, and have been thinking about this the last few days, and I don’t know if it bears repeating. What is me talking about this shitshow actually doing? But it felt wrong not to talk about it, or talk about how the fact this is happening makes me angry and sad.
***
I’ve noticed something weird about how I process emotions, and I don’t really know what causes it, but when I feel sad or angry it often leads me towards feeling hopeful.
Earlier today, in an empty classroom, I was sitting alone feeling down, scrolling through Twitter, reading other people expressing the same feelings. And when I stood up to get more water my mind wandered to why I was so drawn to EA in the first place, to why I’ve always been so inspired by EAs, and I felt hopeful and determined to do good.
So I want to try to breathe a tiny bit of hope back into the world. Because we should be hopeful, in addition to all the other things we’re rightfully feeling.
***
I’ve never really had personal heroes, someone I admired, looked up to, and wanted to be like. In some part this is perhaps because I’m really jaded or pedantic or something. I’m sure you’ve met the archetype, someone who’s kind of above it.
But it’s also because for most of my life I had just never encountered anyone I really admired. Someone I could see myself as, and wanted to be more like. There were smart people, and there were people I love and had respect for, but no one who was a hero to me.
Maybe, maybe, you can say I thought some fictional characters were my heroes. Spider-Man or Mr. Fantastic. But those people aren’t real, and it’s more that it would be pretty cool to swing around New York City, catch cars, and be so smart I could solve any problem. I don’t think those characters are really heroes, at least not for me.
And of course there are other people I recognize as heroes. My parents, who put up with me. Firefighters. Doctors working insane shifts just to keep people alive. But in some sense those groups (except my parents) are too abstract for my brain to properly latch onto. I don’t get that feeling from abstractions.
I’m not sure if I’m explaining this right, but there is this feeling that works its way through your body when you look up to someone. This sense of ‘this person is my hero’ that expresses itself as a chill on your skin and awe in your heart. In high school, and before that, I had never felt that feeling.
But, in 2019, when I found EA and met the people in it, I found people I genuinely, truly, admire. There are people in Effective Altruism, real normal people, who I think are heroes.
That’s crazy.
There is an intense kindness and intelligence and commitment from the people in this community. People who make me laugh or are overflowing with wit. There’s commitment to the truth and commitment to doing good.
I really value living in accordance with one’s beliefs, especially while trying to see the world as it really is. It’s awe inspiring to me that people sat down, thought about how privileged they were, and said ‘I’m going to give away half my earnings, and in fact more than that I’m giving it to people I’ll never meet. I’m not doing this to feel good, I’m doing this because it’s right and I have an extraordinary opportunity to put more good into the world.’
That’s the sort of person I want to be more like. Someone who holds these strong and true beliefs, and then lets those beliefs guide them. There are people in EA who exist with such intensity it blinds me. I admire those people. And nothing that’s happened here negates the admiration I hold for the people acting with such powerful force on their desire to do good.
***
The human condition is one of love and joy. We care deeply about the people around us. If good will and desire were enough to change the world our planet wouldn’t be so fucked up. Though I desperately wish the force of my caring, and the caring of everyone else, were by itself enough to change the world I know this isn’t true.
Just outside my vision is a world falling apart. People suffering for no other reason than the world being too fucked up to provide for them. This is true today. It was true yesterday. It was true a week ago and a year ago and since life evolved on this planet.
I was born in the United States, and for that reason alone I get to live a richer and happier life than almost any other human in history. It used to be the norm that children would die before they reached the age of my brothers. By all accounts it’s a modern miracle I still get to talk to them.
We all know this is the case. We all know people are suffering, and will suffer in the future, and have and will be robbed of the lives they should have gotten to live. I’ve known for over a decade that the world is unequal. But did I ever really think “how can I fix this?”
It would have been easy and I would have been happy to live my life indifferently. Content to smugly point out how fucked the world is, how intractable change is, and how really, what’s even the point of trying. Where I was born, the education I received, the relative success of my family, meant I would never have to confront the real suffering of someone in poverty. No matter what happened I was basically going to be fine.
Real life people were confronted with the same situation I was, and they said ‘No. No, I don’t accept the world as it is. I know how intractable things are, and how much suffering there is, and that no one would ever force me to donate my time and money. And instead I’m going to give away more than I have to. I’m going to dedicate my career to helping. I want the world to be as good as possible and I’m going to take concrete actions to make it so.’
That’s heroic. That’s inspiring. That’s Effective Altruism.
Scouting Ahead 